“Only through the power of listening can you truly know anything.” Victor L. Wooten
Perhaps you have had this experience as well. You are learning a part by ear and finally realize that you got it all wrong. It may feel confusing or even frustrating, but then you shake it off, make the adjustment, and move on. This seemingly small moment is a great example of something powerful that many of us, especially musicians, can take for granted.
Listening.
It seems to me that many people think of listening as a passive thing, that it just happens without any effort. But we musicians know, or eventually discover, that effective listening requires effort. We call this ‘active listening,’ but I see now that it is just—listening. And that if it is not active, then you’re not really listening.
As musicians, we have the luxury of a built-in barometer for how well we are listening. You don’t listen properly, and you get the part wrong, fall out of time, or you miss a cue and throw the whole performance off.
However, in daily life, the feedback on our listening skills is not always so immediate. And many of us are unwilling to find out just how well we are doing in this practice. I’m sure that every one of us can think of at least a dozen times when we felt like the person we were talking to was not listening at all. And vice versa, I’m sure we have all been guilty of being the one who was not listening.
And when you think about it, this makes some sense. Every day we are exposed to an overabundance of information flying at us from every direction. People, billboards, speakers, and screens are all constantly fighting for our attention. Not to mention the mountain of thoughts that can be running through a person’s head at any given moment: work, kids, schedules, deadlines, politics, ambitions, fears, anxieties, ideas, family conflicts, and on, and on, and on…
It is no wonder that so many of us are so distracted.
And that’s not all, we also have filters, both conscious and unconscious, that block information from getting in at all. And the narrower the filter, the less information we are able to absorb. All of this can make listening quite difficult.
But here is the thing: listening is essential.
Fundamental.
We have, in our culture, an epidemic of closed minds and distorted perceptions. An overabundance of people who can look you in the eye, hold an entire conversation, and not receive a shred of information.
Listening means so much more than just hearing sounds. It means absorbing and comprehending another’s perspective. It means seeking truth and understanding. It means self-reflection and, in my opinion, honesty.
Many of us are, at times or even regularly, unwilling to listen because it is uncomfortable. And it can be. Sometimes to truly listen is to invite the very unraveling of some of our deepest-held beliefs. But as uncomfortable as it may be, on the other side of listening is a better version of ourselves and a stronger community.
Before wrapping this up, I want to clarify: there is a distinction between listening to differing views and subjecting yourself to hate. No one is obliged to humor hate speech or any views that seek to diminish the humanity of any race, ethnicity, nationality, gender identity, sexual orientation, disability, religion and all else that applies.
It is important to be wary of those who would hijack the idea of being open to other perspectives in order to peddle their vitriol and hate. It is our responsibility to be discerning of such behaviors as we engage with the world.
And we can accomplish this using one very special skill: Listening.